Tag Archives: healthy boundaries

an Empty Glass

I would find my greatest challenge in my sobriety to be the relationships lost to me, while I continue to maintain my empty glass.

Letting go of toxic relationships has been easy, identifying them in my process was quite another story.

Toxic is defined as “of, relating to, or caused by a toxin or poison; poisonous” – “harmful or deadly” 

But as you continue to get stronger “sober” you find the clarity to approach life in a more healthy manner. The good news is, more then likely most harmful codependent friendships die a natural death. The friend that never makes the effort to call or visit you, you find yourself reaching out, with minimal success. The end of those friendships – just happens naturally.

In truth, family relationships are far more trickier to navigate. They are the relational core, the place in which you first began to establish and adapt your interpersonal skills. But even still, you must decide if those bonds are healthy or a detriment to your recovery, and where they fit into your life of sobriety.

Whatever is authentic will definitely stand the test of time and all of life’s adversities.

Sometimes relationships must end, especially if they are codependent and otherwise unhealthy. But vital to your own emotional and mental health.

Life in general, drifting apart happens. Life circumstances change, priorities are shifted, jobs lost or found, people simply change, and the friendship, and the relationships changes too – they must for all parties to continue to find growth in their own separate lives.

A few things you might consider, should you find yourself today ~ wondering about the relationships in your life.

  • Your time and your feelings are not valued; you don’t feel respected, your concerns are not heard. In fact you find that you have no voice at all, among those gathered. Late for scheduled events, or a complete no-show.
  • You can’t speak openly and honestly, shame and/or ridicule prevent you from sharing. Or perhaps just a blatant dismissal of your opinion overall.
  • You leave your visits, gatherings feeling depressed, frustrated, exhausted – depleted or angry! Did I cover all of them. Relationships are designed to help us feel connected and should at the very heart – hopeful.
  • Immoral, unethical and illegal behaviors and choices, that are counter to your own beliefs and values.
  • You find yourself reaching out, with minimal success – I think this is where “a natural death” occurs within a relationship and/or friendship.
  • “Vampire Energy” – I use the phrase, recently heard, to describe the relationships that suck your energy. We’ve all had them at one point or another in our lives – perhaps some still do. Once their tank is full … you need to safeguard your emotional well-being but not allowing that depletion to occur at all.

All relationships require concessions, exceptions, love and forgiveness. 

Take an objective look at your relationships, do the benefits far out weigh the negatives?

The more you begin to find your own value and validate your own worth, the easier the choices become, for you to expect the same of others.

Codependency involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving toward ourselves and others that can cause pain. The habits or behaviors are self-destructive.

Today I celebrate “Three Hundred and Eighteen” days of Sobriety. I am thankful, grateful for the lessons, the clarity that I have gained so far. I take nothing for granted – least of all my sobriety. And I am careful to celebrate the gift of each new day and all of it’s limitless choices – I have been given.

Your Heart ~ the best compass ever …

Boundaries are balanced and healthy when we learn that love begins within.When the energy of heart already feels cared for (by you) it doesn’t need to be overly protective of itself because it knows that pain and grief may come, but that it still has your loving care to keep it satisfied. And the heart’s energy learns that there is no need to abandon all boundaries and become overactive in search of peace, love, or happiness because it will have already found those things internally.