… when you lose hope

What next?

When you have prayed and no answer comes – BUT, you pray again, oh and one more time after, perhaps the hope of that little mustard seed of faith, prompts you to your knees – causes you to pray, yet one more time. And maybe even one more time after that …

But still no answer, in fact more is removed from your life, more obstacles seem to come that bring greater challenges.

And yet, you pray and you seek His word.

… you reach out to a Christian community that finds widows still taboo, they utter, thinking you don’t hear the whispers, “isn’t she over him yet?” You reach out to your family, who profess they are believers and you pretend that you don’t see their disdain for your process of creating a new, that is obviously taking too long … you tell yourself that “its okay”, when they don’t return your calls – anymore. When they cancel 10 minutes before you’re to meet with them and their flippant way, “oh was that today, I completely forgot, I’ve got a meeting” – can we reschedule, only it’s not an isolated incident, in fact it’s happened at least twice before. You are politely uninvited, because your presence among family creates ill-feelings.

But you’re sure to hear, if by chance you seem to find yourself assembled among them, perhaps at a family-friend’s gathering, “how rude your behavior is” …

Yep, you pray – and still no answer comes …

If it didn’t feel so broken it would be quite comical – really, the more I pray and more I seek God’s word. The more heartache and disappointment, I find. They’re not even obstacles anymore where you feel challenged to overcome, knowing it will strengthen your faith. They are hard blows that continually facilitate the disparity of the situation. And you begin to lose hope.

But -Yep, you still pray and seek God’s word … asking, pleading for Mercy and Grace.

And – still no answer comes. The silence is so deafening, you actually think you’re loosing pieces of your sanity. You find yourself roaming, talking out loud now, praying out loud …

And still no answer comes.

You vacillate between anger at others and angry with yourself – obviously, you must be doing something wrong …

because you pray and you seek God’s word

And still no answer comes.

God’s word is our instruction to life, and so, you become more purposeful and more specific in your prayers. Ironically, not only does the answer not come, you find that you are faced with insurmountable odds that eventually leads to total devastation.

– but that little mustard seed, seems to hang on and that little thread of hope, tells you to surrender to God – your circumstances. Your life –

And still no answer comes.

Each day, week, month and year that passes – still no answer comes.

At some point you have to accept that God is deaf to your prayers, silent to your pain and quite frankly has chosen not to extend His Grace.

Finally an answer has arrived.